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Friday, August 25, 2006

The World Weekly Pipester

Since I have several unrelated items to mention in this post, I'll adopt the handy format of some of our handy supermarket tabloid papers....

Flash!! Bizarre Briar Block found in Mysterious Hoard!
Searchers in the Talbert Pipes briar mountain today found this bizarre ebauchon in a bag of other, more conventional blocks. Interviewed on how it came to be and it's bizarre size and shape, pipemaker Talbert had this to say: "Hell if I know! It's weird. The shank is longer than any plateau block I have, but the thing is so thin you'd never get a bowl out of it unless the chamber was narrow as a pencil. This is what happens you start modifying crop genetics, I say!"

Last Angry Holdout finally caves, Gets MySpace Account
In other news, Pipemaker Trever Talbert appears again - Coincidence? We don't think so...
Officially identified as one of the last remaining curmudgeons who did not have MySpace accounts, Talbert has finally caved. "It was for family and friends", he claims, citing the fact that half the people he knows all have MySpace pages and he'd been repeatedly asked about his own. Regarding his entry into the twentieth century, Talbert comments, "Now, if anyone wants to know about my stupid hobbies or see what some passing fourteen year old has spammed my page with, they can just go here."

More Fumeurs de Pipe 2006 Pipes Sighted!
Seen recently in increasing numbers, this paper believes that these pipes may even now be filtering out into the wild, possibly spreading to your very own streets and villes. Eyewitness accounts report that they're all looking pretty neat, though they do vary a bit from one to the next - expert commentators attribute this to their handmade quality, though other sources cite the legendary eccentricities of their creator for the variations. We can't confirm until someone actually has one in hand, but this reporter believes at least a few of them are already in the mail.

France to go Smoke-Free in 2007?
In a blow to the French spirit of individuality, France expects next year to fall in line behind England, Ireland, and other EU nations in adopting sweeping laws outlawing smoking in public spaces such as restaurants and bars. Fortunately, angry French tobacconists are already planning ongoing protests, and claim they will blockade the Champs d'Elysée with seventy-thousand packages of soggy Gaulloises if the ban goes through. Cowardly as always, the current administration is already backpedaling, and offering concessions in the form of private clubs, separate air-cleaned rooms, and other special dispensations. But will this hold if tough-talking potential president Sarko takes office next year? Stay tuned!

Crazed Herbignac resident responds to Smoking Ban
In our letters to the editor, we find this excited missive from a resident of Herbignac, in the 44. "Smoking bans? In France? By golly, if they're going to make restaurants smoke-free, when are they gonna make them child-free too? I'm sick of hearing those brats cry and squeal, and it's disgusting watching them smear food all over themselves! I paid for a fine dining experience. If other people can get smoking banned just because they don't like it, why can't I ban children in public?? GAAAHHH!!"